ONE DIRECTION ERECTION
by Cheekycheezy
Summary: A 1D joke fanfic about a 12 year old girl who finally meets the man of her dreams... DIO... I mean, Harry Styles. In a tragic car accident she loses her mom and gets to live with 1D forever, and the band never breaks up in this universe sooooooo... Enjoy. (I wrote this in like, 5 minutes by the way so it's just... really bad, but so bad that it's good.)


The date was April 1st 2016. I jumped out of ben and stroked my One Direction poster hanging on my wall above my purple desk with a One Direction diary lying on it. I grabbed the book, kissed the Harry Styles printed on it and began to write:  
 _Dear Diary, I can feel that today will be unlike any other day in my short and boring 12 year old life, all I care about is One Direction. They are my favorite band and I have backstage passes to a concert today. I can't wait to meet them!_

"Jojo!" My mother called for me downstairs, she calls me JoJo which is short for, You are a failure of a child and you will never be as good as Dio Brando ever was, so I am naming you Jonathan after my least favorite of the Joestars, but your full name s everything I am saying now. "We have to get going the casino that boy band you love is playing is a 2 hour drive away!"

I grabbed my purse and ran out the door, making a b line for the car door. Right up front riding shotgun.

The car ride was boring, I just wanted to see grown men dance on stage while pre-teens squeal at them.

BUT ALL OF THE SUDDEN! The car broke down and we were sent flying down the road stopping in a deadly crash. Everybody died, but me. I lost my mom, and I cried 3 whole tears for her. "Are you okay?" a deep british voice seemingly belonging to a professional male singer asked me.

Drying the few tears I shed I turned around and saw the most bootyful thing ever. Harry Styles and the rest of them were no less than 5 feet away from me. I could smell them all. They smelt like manly unicorn farts.

"If you want, you can ride with us in the tour bus, in fact, why don't you live with us!" another less important member than Harry Styles suggested. I tried my best not to squeal as I nodded my head yes and climbed in the bus.

Harry looked at me up and down. I never had a boy look at me this way before. "You are very pretty, I have never seen anyone like you before."

I blushed so hard I could feel my sweat boil and evaporate on my cheeks. "OMG really?!" I said to him scratching my cheek like an anime school girl.

"I think I love you, whatever your name is."

"Most people call me Glad I Died In The Ship Explosion, but you can call me JoJo."

"Beautiful. Before we go on stage I want to write a love song, just for you, and sing it better than I have ever sung before so all the other girls, especially Jotaro who I know everyone likes more than you, but really isn't that great and doesn't say much, know that I love you and only you and they can never have you. I think I will call it "I Love You Very Much, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT DIO STOLE YOUR BODY AND WORE IT BETTER THAN YOU EVER DID."

Time flew by quickly on the tour bus. Harry and I just looked at each other. While the other less important members sat in a corner wishing Zayn never left and betrayed the fans, but oh well.

We arrived at the casino and I was allowed on stage behind 1D where I had perfect view of their butts while they sang. "Before you go Harry I just want to tell you something"  
He turned around, the perfect lighting making his perfect face even more perfect. "What is it?"

"Cut ur fukin hair you look ridiculous."

I smiled and waved to him before he performed. Then, the lights dimmed, Harry grabbed my arm and dragged me to the center stage. He got down on one knee with an acoustic, no, electric guitar.

"I wrote this just for you"

He kissed my hand and began to play. "(WAKE ME UP) WAKE ME UP INSIDE (I CAN'T WAKE UP) SAVE MEEEEEEE"

His voice was like an angel as he began the second verse. "SOMEBODY once told me that JOOOOOOOHHHHHNNNNN CENA!" and trumpets blasted.

"Daisuke" he said and techno blared. We all danced.

The lyrics that spoke out to me most were, WE... are the crystal GEMS and we'll always save the day, and if you think we can't we'll always find a way. That's why I'M NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP! NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN!

I cried, it was so beautiful. At the end of it all Harry Styles kissed me IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! He then gave me a magical blue potion that turned me into an 18 year old so our relationship isn't illegal!

Still on one knee he proposed to me. It was so amazing, I cannot even.

The wedding was almost as beautiful as him and me together. His vows to me were "I will always be here for you, to make sure that no matter what, you never become homestuck trash" sadly it was already too late for that. My bridesmaids dresses were inspired by Karkat dying in the lava after being stabbed.

And that's why 5SOS will never be better than 1D.


End file.
